The purpose of this final project was to create a course that would be required for every freshman at the University of Pennsylvania to take that would count for a 0.5 credit. Surviving Relationships at Penn focuses on discovery of the self and others. In this course we will focus on navigating relationships and interactions in such a diverse community, learning more about the self, learning to set and respect boundaries, as well as finding and providing support when one has experienced harm. This course will be co-taught by students at Penn who will be trained. Special guest appearances include Restorative Circles @ Penn and PVP.
Content warning: interpersonal violence, sexual harm
Week 1: Navigating your Identity and Others
Students at Penn come from many different communities throughout the US and throughout the world. Many students come from schools where majority of the students looked like them and many other students come from schools where they were one of the only ones that looked like them. For many students, this is the first time they are living in city with a such rich history. So in this first week, we think about our own identities and how our different backgrounds affect the way we interact with others on and off campus.
Exercises include: social identity wheel1 friend, Penn’s historical relationship with the city of Philadelphia.
Week 2: Relationships Part 1
Who is currently in your inner circle? What does the relationship with people closest to us look like? What does the relationship with yourself look like? How do you build new relationships when placed in a new environment? What does a good friendship look like? How are you intentional with your relationships?
The NSO period freshman year is a fun but sometimes overwhelming one because you are meeting and trying to build relationships with so many people. This week students will think about who they are closest with now (often people from their high schools) and who they want to be closer to. Relationships will be visited later in the semester. Activities in this week include: filling out circle of friends worksheet, discussing types of relationships
Week 3: Vernacular
This week focuses on learning the words that will be used for future discussion, such as types of attraction and discussion about interpersonal violence
Week 4: Relationship with Yourself
College is one of the first times where students are in an unfamiliar environment trying to figure themselves out. This week will includes students creating a routine for themselves outside of academics.
Week 5: Who can you go to?
This week consists of resources at Penn to go to. You do not have to go to them as a result of harm that you have experienced. If harm has occurred though, these are great resources to know about, to go to, and to tell your friends about.
Include: Penn Violence Prevention, Women’s Center, Restorative Practices at Penn, LGBTQ center
Week 6: How to Set Boundaries
What does sexual consent and consent outside of sex look like? How do you build the confidence to say no? What does consent look like? Sometimes we can assume that people have the same boundaries as us but that is not true at all!3
This week we practice setting boundaries by directly writing out ours and communicating them. This may look like before sex saying what you do and do not like or telling a friend that you do not have the capacity to listen to them because you may be preoccupied with something else. Sometimes we have to accept that the ideal outcome will not always occur. Sometimes people will be uncomfortable or disappointed with the boundaries we set but the importance of this week is to remain confident in them.
This week will also consist of scenario workshopping. It is very easy to say no when acting out scenarios in class. It may be a bit more difficult in reality when dealing with people that we are close with. This week we also observe setting boundaries within our friendships.
Example: You and your friend are both at a party that’s ending. There’s another party in Center City that your friend really wants to go to but you are drained from the evening and you just want to go back to your dorm to sleep. However, your friend really wants to go and you don’t want her to go by herself. How would you approach this scenario?
Week 7: How to Respect Someone’s Boundaries
It is sometimes very hard for people to set boundaries, especially with people who they are close with. However, when they do this, they are showing that they want to continue the relationship they have with their friends, just in a different way.
Respecting boundaries is sometimes hard because it forces you to break out of the status quo that you may be used to. Respecting boundaries includes being self-aware of the actions that your friend does not like and making sure to not repeat them, respecting their decision.4 Respecting boundaries can be emotional, physical, financial.5 This week we will practice scenarios that include ones with nonverbal communication. We often set boundaries non-verbally and it is extremely important to pick up on behaviors so that we continue to respect the people around us.
Week 8: Community (Relationships Part 2)
This week we go back to Week 2 by redoing the circle of friends worksheet to observe the changes that may have occurred in your relationships.
Almost every student at Penn knows someone that has been impacted by sexual harm, whether they may be friends with the survivor, friends with the person who caused harm, etc. The second part of this week will focus on how to support a friend who has experienced harm. The two weeks prior are important because it will force you to acknowledge your friend’s capacity and your own. We focus on what to do during conversations with your friend, immediately afterwards, and then future planning.6
By the end of the course students will have a better idea in navigating the complexity of relationships and will leave with the knowledge of building strong, healthy relationships!
Bibliography:
(1) https://catherinedenial.org/blog/uncategorized/objectivity-and-the-first-day-of-class/
(2) https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-relationships
(3) https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/11/practice-consent-beyond-sex/
(4) https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/#5-effective-ways-to-set-healthy-boundaries
(5) https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-respect-other-peoples-boundaries-6824706
(6) https://share.stanford.edu/get-informed/support-and-resources/help-others/supporting-survivors
https://www.wochikochi.jp/english/special/2012/08/hiddenself.php
Trauma Porn to Title IX: Gender Based Violence at Penn 